I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
