my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
