Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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