I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
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Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
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I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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