This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
