now i know why i became what i already was.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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