WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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