I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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