a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you win again, gameday.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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