dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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