There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
