What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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