I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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