I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
