Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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