i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
