You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
