Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
