im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
