I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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