So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
