i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
