Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
