I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
