I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
