Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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