I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
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he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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