Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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