I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
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You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
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Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.