she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
