This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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