i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
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Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos