my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
After tacos, we're chasing women.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
