i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS