So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize