mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
