Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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