Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
