I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
