His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
