i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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