You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
