Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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