i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
