I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
