I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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