Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
