I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
