can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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