i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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