is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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