In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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