I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
