all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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