Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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