i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
