may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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