isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
