just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
