Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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