I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
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Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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