Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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