I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
