That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
